My Name is James
by Forlay
Summary: A fairly short monologue from James' point of view. James reflects on himself, his group of Animorphs, and the original six Animorphs.


#  My Name is James

##  By: Forlay

I didn't fully realize what I'd signed up for by becoming an Animorph until I was in my first battle, at the school for the blind, where the original Animorphs had walked into a trap.   
I felt like panicking when Cassie told me it had been a trap. If the six of them, experienced fighters, were able to be surprised, how was I supposed to lead 16 new kids into a battle? Not just this one, where I had an experienced Animorph helping me, but others to come.   
But despite my fear, I knew I had to do it. I had a responsibility to Jake and the others in his group, I couldn't let my fear stop me.   
I've had some bad nightmares in my life - growing up in a hospital will do that to you - but they paled in comparison to that battle. When Colette became the first casualty, the first one injured, I wanted to get her out of there, even after Cassie said she'd be healed when she morphed. How were we to know that? Erica, Craig and I were the only ones to be healed by morphing in the first place, there was no guarantee that it would heal battle injuries.   
And then Kelly was hurt. Seriously. The dracon beam first, followed by that awful Taxxon. If I hadn't been busy fighting with Danny against a dozen Hork-Bajir, I would have been over to her in a flash. I know Cassie feels protective of us - it's in her eyes, and I've gotten good at reading people over the years - and jake ultimately feels responsible, but I know _I'm_ really the one responsible for my friends, no one else. Us new Animorphs look out for eachother.   
And let's not forget that Jake himself was nearly killed in that battle. Not by a stray dracon beam like Kelly, but by that monster Visser One morphed. Is that the fate I have to look forward to?   
That's what scares me most: that I'll become like Jake. The guy scares me, it seems like he's only half alive. Maybe he's always been serious, but from the hunted, shadowed look almost permanently on his face, I'd say some serious stuff has gone down lately that they're not telling us, serious stuff that Jake feels responsible for, because while the others all have strange looks in their eyes - from simply dark in Marco to dangerous in Rachel - Jake's the only one who looks like he's a dead man walking.   
I don't want that to happen to me, or my friends. We've put up with enough shit already, we really don't need more.   
But we're already changing. Colette's a speed demon in her chair now that she's flown. She's always dreamed of flying on skis or something, now she's done the real thing and she tries to re-capture that exhilaration by speeding down the hallways whenever she can get away with it.   
Timmy's done a complete 180 from his old self. He used to stay alone, by himself, reading. Anything to not talk to other people. Now he tries to converse with everyone else in the ward. It may just be my imagination, but I think he's getting better. Anyways, I know he morphs after lights out so he can have long conversations with Craig in thought speak.   
Craig and Jessie have changed the most. Well, me too, of course, but it's easier to see the changes in them.   
Jessie really lived Colette's dream life. She was paralyzed in a skiing accident when she was 10. She's the only one in here who really knows what life is like as a normal person. But she was abandoned here, like me and Colette and a few others.   
Craig was in a car accident like me when he was five. He's been bumped from hospital to hospital, his parents hoping to find a miracle cure so he'd be all better. I don't know why they took him here, they certainly won't find a cure. I just fear the day his parents decide to move on, and the new Animorphs will loose a member we can't afford to loose.   
Y'know, not only does Jake seem like he just isn't always all there, but he doesn't seem to realize how lucky he has it, no matter what he's been through. See, not only do all the Animorphs respect him, but Cassie loves the guy. Or she tries to. They had a relationship going at one point not too long ago, and Cassie's trying to keep it alive, even if jake isn't. That guy doesn't know how lucky he is. He's got a girl who loves him, a best friend who looks out for him, and other friends who support him in every way they can, and he blows them off to wallow in his own self pity.   
Cassie was wrong. She described the Yeerks as jerks. She should have just come out and called them evil and saved the adjective 'jerk' for someone else. Jake.   
Jake's a jerk.


End file.
